Some simple changes can have a huge effect!
Have you been doing things wrong the entire time?
Some people have no problem getting into relationships, but can’t seem to make them last.
If your relationships all end within 2 or 3 months, you should take a good hard look at yourself. Here are some basic guidelines to see if there is anything fundamentally problematic in your way of dating.
1 - Stop looking at social media
Trust me, I love looking at people’s cat photos as much as the next person, but social media is mostly likely only going to have a negative effect on your relationship.
The problem with social media, is that most people in relationships only tend to post the best parts of their relationships online. When all you see is the good parts and you don’t see the everyday aspect of their relationship, people tend to believe that the romances they see on social media are the norm, and have unnecessarily heightened expectations for their own.
Other risks of social media include getting jealous of seeing people complimenting your partner on social media, you beginning to quantify the quality of your love life by the number of likes it can get, and overall having your life revolving around what people think, rather than what you yourself think.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t keep your account, but you really should stop looking at the feed and posting every day. One post every few months is more than enough, and remember everything you see on social media is merely a beautified portion of the truth, so take everything with a grain of salt.
2 - Keeping too many tabs on them
Do you get worried if you don’t know where your partner is, or if they don’t reply?
Of course, these are valid concerns to have, but on the other hand, it’s unrealistic for someone to respond to you within 5 minutes, all the time.
Contrary to popular belief, you really don’t need to know where your partner is 100% of the time. In fact, you trying to make sure they aren’t cheating, is probably going to push them into cheating. I’m just saying that if you aren’t secure enough to give them some leeway, either there’s something fundamentally wrong with you, or with your image of him. Either way, your relationship is fundamentally flawed, and you should be working to fix the root problem, rather than making your partner keep up with you 100% of the time.
(Also, wanting to look through your partner’s phone is really just a selfish thing. If you can’t trust them not to message someone behind your back, just break up. This is a fundamental issue of trust, and if you don’t have it, your relationship is probably going to fail either way.)
3 - Don’t be repetitive
You don’t need to be totally adventurous, but if you end up only doing the same thing together all the time, it can get boring. This isn’t just about the activity as well, but also about the conversations you have. By trying different experiences, you both have new ideas and opinions which you can share, rather than just staying in an endless loop of ‘how was your day’.
It doesn’t need to be anything big, but you should always be up to try new things as a couple. For example, If you’re ordering take out, try a new restaurant. If you’re free on the weekends, check out what’s new to do. Having a non-boring life can help you have a non-boring romance.
4 - Don’t ask about their exes
I mean...why? Knowing has next to no benefits. No matter how much you say it doesn’t bother you, the things they’ve done together and the memory you think they might have, will gnaw away at your brain like an unscratchable itch. No matter how many exes they say, it will always be ‘too many’ for you. Even if they say you’re their first , you’d begin to doubt this as being too good to be true.
Of course, accepting your partner means accepting all of them, including their past. There is however, a time and a place for everything, and this information is too heavy for a couple in the first stages of their relationship.
All will be revealed in good time, and by that time, your relationship will have a stronger foundation which you can both use to withstand any bombshells he/ she drops. So don’t try to bring it up as a conversation topic, and let that knowledge drop slowly and naturally over the course of your relationship.
5 - Talk to them about your problems
Men and women tend to have different problems with this issue.
Most men would try to ignore any issues, and keep them to themselves as to avoid conflict. This ends up bottling up over time, and leads to an outburst that can be triggered out from a small fight, and all these issues that might have been easily solved on their own can compound on each other and become an explosion that ends the relationship.
On the other hand, a problem many women have is that they tend to become one of two extremes. On one end, you have the women that try to give out ‘signals’ for men to pick up on, which are meant to direct their attention to some sort of issue. This is quite troublesome, as men aren’t psychic, and are unlikely to notice signs that you’ve put out. As a result, you have a women that ends up being frustrated that her signals go unnoticed, and the issue also remains unsolved.
On the other hand, we have the women who point out every single tiny issue. I don’t think i need to point out that this can often come across as nagging and annoying, and is not good for the relationship. Not every issue requires an immediate response as it may only be a one-time thing, or it may be something which differs from person to person. If it is a persistent problem, then work on your phrasing to pass on the message softly, but directly. Despite what people think, men aren’t completely stupid, and can understand your points without you shouting or using a condescending tone, which can in fact backfire, and make us unwilling to make amends to the situation, even if it was originally our ‘fault’.
Are you good with relationships? What do you think is the key to a happy romance? Let us know on our facebook page!
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